i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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