I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need to stop coming to work sober
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
