butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
