Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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