PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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