in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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