I just made out with a guy for $7.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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