who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
