rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
