do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize