do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
