i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
