So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
