i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
