South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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