What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
