Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
