just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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