hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
