Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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