..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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