he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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