my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
