i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
