Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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