it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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