if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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