Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
