There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
