then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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