She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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