based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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