Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
