Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
