break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
