Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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