my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize