I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My balls are so social today.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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