Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
