Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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