i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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