Where is the hickey?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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