this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
