I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize