I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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