I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
