My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
