I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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