Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
