New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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