Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think my tv is drunk
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
