you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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