i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
