My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
