Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
