Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you made out with another girl for some wings
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
