You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize