he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
