im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
