why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
