I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
