Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
