i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
