I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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