Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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