There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
