so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
