By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
